The following female monologues are from published plays, and are free to use for class, competitions, or auditions. I’ll add more as more of my plays become available for purchase.
I said you could use the telescopes…
Mrs. Gomez: any adult age
comedic * stressed * heartfelt * teacher
I can’t find my cat…
comedic * fed-up * manic * charming
Thank you. I realize that I probably yelled at you…
comedic * flirty * friendly * awkward
You came a long way here. You came through horizontal rain…
Only: any adult age
dramatic * sincere * magical * persuasive
Stop. Stop it.
dramatic * frightened * vulnerable * confused
No. You can’t. Anyone but him.
Witch: Any adult age
dramatic * sad * pleading * sinister
That’s a nice story. I’m going to tell you a story now, ok?
Only: any adult age
dramatic * sad * devastated * creepy
Summary: Mrs. Gomez disciplines her favorite student for creating a chemical explosion in the school lab.
MRS. GOMEZ: I said you could use the telescopes. I didn’t say you could create an explosion on school property. That is a crime! If that goes on your record you can kiss your college scholarships goodbye. I gave you that key to encourage you… because I think it’s extremely important for young women to become interested in the sciences…
You’re not the only person having a crappy summer, ok? Do you think I want to be teaching Spanish right now? I have a masters in Physics.
Your father is hard to deal with. I get it. But he’s there for you, and just cause he’s a little weird sometimes doesn’t mean you get to act out. That boy who was in here… doesn’t need your encouragement, ok? He’s already been banned from the computer lab for doing some kind of nonsense I’m not even allowed to explain to you.I don’t want him to get any ideas about chemicals, especially if he thinks some girl can get away with it, and he can’t.
If it were up to me, Annie, you’d have a lab of your own. And you’d get to do whatever you wanted in it, whenever you wanted. Because you can do great things, I know you can.
Look- sometimes the thing that makes you want to do something stupid is the exact reason why you have to always be smart. Does that make sense? I guess what I’m saying is that for some people it’s hard, and for some people it’s easy. And right now for you it is hard, and it’s unfair, and I can’t change that for you.
Now, I’m going to have to supervise you while you clean up. If anyone comes in, well. I was in here with you all along. But I’m only doing this for you once, Annie. Ok?
Summary: Aiofe, who has lost her cat while moving, knocks on her new neighbor’s door to ask for help.
I can’t find my cat.
Yes, that’s all. I happen to really frickin’ like my cat, OK? I happen to be worried about him, and his whereabouts, and the fact that he, my only friend, might be freezing to death, also, I haven’t slept for 30 hours, in which I’ve been either driving in the middle of a horizontal sleet, or performing hard physical labor in the middle of
a horizontal sleet and, you know, I haven’t had much time to attend to my emotional needs which I usually do by petting something furry, so if I’m not in a good place right now, if you’re saying that I’m overreacting to something as trivial as the misplacement of a cat, kindly excuse this hysterical female, but yes, that is all.
Summary: Aiofe thanks her neighbor for returning her cat
Thank you. I realize that I probably yelled at you, which didn’t have to happen, and you’re obviously very patient and an a-1 excellent special type of person. Thank you. Can I take you out for coffee?
You gotta say yes— cause otherwise I’m going to have to try to give you cash— and that’s not cool, is it? You’re not some kind of lost animal valet— I don’t want to tip you— But if I can just buy you something, equal to equal, we can avoid any awkward intrusions from the capitalist machine. And, you know, it’s not a date. If you’re dating someone you don’t have to worry, because I’m not asking you out.
Summary: Only, the Beast’s magical servant (a talking lamp) convinces her neighbor Aiofe to stay and meet the Beast.
You came a long way here. You came through horizontal rain, all night, with everything you own. Did you really come to work in a bookstore? If you wanted to do that, you could have stayed home. You came to find the wish in your heart.
You came here from russell-it’s-in-Michigan, here to this very large city that sits right where you could balance the entire country on a pin. I came much further. I know what you’re looking for. You have a wish in your heart. To find a world beyond. To be crowned with the secret knowledge of the immensity of love. The hardware of life is just hardware— you were meant for something more.
There is someone here with a black and desperate loneliness shaped exactly like you. You don’t have to do much. Just stay. And speak to him a little.
Summary: Aiofe, who is trapped inside the magical apartment of a fairy tale Beast, pleads with the Beast’s magical servant for a return to reality.
Stop. Stop it. If there’s one thing I know, one thing I paid hard to know, it’s that these things are important. They are the only important. Get up, go to work, come home. Call your friends. stay human. I spent five years stuck in some stupid little town learning that, because I knew if I left it might happen again.
The doctor probably didn’t know this but I have kind of a history with chemicals. I have to be really careful about what I swallow.
Why are you doing this to me?
Summary: The witch tries to convince her protege, a magical talking lamp, to leave the fairy tale Beast she serves and seize a human life for herself.
No. You can’t. Anyone but him.
Jules who works the coffee counter, the green-eyed boy from Belgium who bought five books of poetry, my god, even the old man in the corduroy coat. You can have anyone, anyone but not him.
You want them, don’t you?
You could have them, and so much more. the light of devotion, burning towards you out of so many clear green eyes. Beauty, they’ll say. Beauty is your name. Just— come with me, little one, and I’ll take care of the rest. Please.
Summary: Only, the Beast’s one remaining magical servant, expresses doubts about her place in the story to the Beast’s love interest.
That’s a nice story. I’m going to tell you a story now, OK?
It’s about a thing.
Once there was a thing who was under a curse. an enchantment. and the only way she could break it was by rescuing a person who was also under the curse. One day, she did. And do you know what happens next?
Nothing. She had labored for years to do exactly as she was told, grind the mountain into glass, do every impossible task asked of her not just cheerfully but actually singing, and after all that— instead of the happy ending she was promised, she gets… obliterated. and some person— some real and genuine person with her own pulse and everything— the happy ending goes to her. Even though all she did was get lucky enough to be born. Well? What do you think? What kind of story is that?
Do you know what a thing is? It’s a lump. It just sits. It doesn’t go to work. It doesn’t have friends. It doesn’t call its parents or feed its cat, it just sits. Maybe it looks pretty.