The following monologues for men are from published plays, and are free to use for class, competitions, or auditions. I’ll add more as more of my plays become available for purchase.
“Citizens of Strawberry, I am here to tell you… We. Are. Not. Alone.”
Dr. Jump: 30s-50s
comedic * nerdy * weird * poignant
“I know you’re mad at me. And I can even understand why…”
Dr. Jump: 30s-50s
dramatic * fatherly * quirky * sad
“Greetings, Citizens of Strawberry.”
Dr. Jump: 30s-50s
comedic * odd * put-upon * desperate
“This is the story of a great house that became an OK apartment.”
The Beast: any adult age
comedic * melancholy * grandiose * sad
“There has been — a development.”
The Beast: any adult age
comedic * lovestruck * ecstatic * courtly
Dr. Jump, the laughingstock of Strawberry KS, makes an important announcement at a town meeting
A man stands at a podium.
DR. JUMP: August Tenth, 2021.
(he checks his watch)
This is the day, this is the hour, this is the minute
The minute we knew the Answer
Citizens of Strawberry, I am here to tell you…
We. Are. Not. Alone.
For the past 10 years, I have operated Meti.net, a website that invites any alien intelligence monitoring our communications to make itself known via email, telephone or fax. We have been targeted by a number of jokers throughout the years, but because of the provenance of this communication, I believe… it is legitimate.
I hold in my hand a fax from an alien life form.
Do not laugh at me. This is a mind from millions of light years away that has chosen to speak to us. And I believe I have three minutes left, chairwoman, thank you.
(Reading from the fax.)
Humans of earth, we contact you in peace. We represent an intergalactic federation of enlightened species. Our name translates, in your earth-tongue, to the Association of Stellar Serenity Healing Across Time Space.
Before humanity may join our federation, you must prove yourselves peaceful as well as intelligent. Dr. Jump, as a representative of humanity, we ask you to gather your small earth-community at the following co-ordinates when the meteor display in your area has reached peak visibility. If all life-forms are present, displaying harmony, we will reveal ourselves to you.
He stops reading.
“Displaying harmony.” I believe the aliens wish us to prove our peaceful nature by raising our voices in song.
The co-ordinates are for Hamlin’s field, just outside town. If you have any interest in a world beyond this one- I implore you. Come to Hamlin’s field at the peak of the Perseids, at midnight, in three days. And you’ll all see it. We’re not alone.
Thunder. Crackling. Horrible feedback. The lights go out.
Dr. Jump tries to explain his recent actions to his 13-year-old daughter.
DR. JUMP: I know you’re mad at me. And I can even understand why you’re mad at me. If you have anything to say you should feel free to say it to my face.
I know you prefer that I keep my work on the internet and out of the public space. If the communication, in its nature, had not necessitated public participation- And I would say I’m sorry, but I cannot be sorry. I will not be sorry should it happen that in three days.. well… it’s simply too important. And I want you to know this has nothing to do with our previous discussion about my medications. That isn’t something you have to worry about. You’re my daughter. No-one is going to take you away.
Do you know what bugs me about lithium?
I mean ONE of the things that bugs me.
It’s SO OLD.
Only three elements were created in the big bang. Hydrogen. Helium. And just the tiniest bit of lithium. Everything else- from carbon to iron to gold- had to be cooked up epochs later, in the hearts of stars.
And yet lithium- one of the three oldest things in the universe- is something we put inside this-
(He taps his own skull.)
Really. It’s barbaric. It’s like doing brain surgery with a large rock.
Of course I’m taking them, Annie! Have a little faith in me.
Three days. And I’ll prove it to you. We’re not alone.
Summary: Dr. Jump recruits citizens for his Demonstration of Harmony.
Spotlight. Dr. Jump is at a podium.
DR. JUMP: Greetings, citizens of Strawberry. I have requested time at this meeting of the Strawberry Elks to remind you that the last night of the Perseids is tomorrow, and we will be meeting at midnight to raise our voices in harmony, as per the instructions of the extraterrestrial communication.
Now, I have provided sheet music for the song we will be singing, it is with your secretary. If you are unable to obtain the sheet music at this meeting, I have filed copies with the Strawberry public library- excuse me sir! The noises you are making have left me in no doubt as to your displeasure. You do not have to throw things as well.
Yes, now- as I was saying, despite Mr. Lambert’s expressed opinion, I am sure the rest of you can appreciate the importance, the vast vast infinite importance, of complying with the communication. It is only a little music, but from a little music there can- there can and will come such great things. Mr. Lambert, I have asked you once already, and we will have words about this in the coming age of splendor, technological advancement, and peace.
Thank you for your time.
Summary: The Beast has just downsized from a fairy tale castle to a small Chicago apartment. In this scene, he tries to get settled in after his one remaining servant tells him that it will be “O.K.”
This is the story of a great house that became an OK apartment.
This is not a story. Stories have shapes. They end.
He gets up and looks around. There is a small mirror on one wall.
This is no story. This is a nightmare.
He gently turns the mirror to the wall.
This face is a nightmare face.
A bird starts to sing.
Of course, dawn comes in like it wants to prove me wrong. Each turn of the earth screws us closer to spring, have heart! I will give you music from the air.
He goes to the window, opens it.
Chondestes Grammacus. A common passerine, but melodious and large.
Quick as a snake, he snatches the bird. The song cuts off with a squeak.
What? I am a beast.
He turns, and bites off the head of the animal with a sickening crunch. He exits. After a moment, he comes back on again.
That was by way of being a dramatic exit, but there was nowhere else to go.
The Beast lies down on the floor in a contemplative way.
Despair! Despair! No. (in a different tone of voice.) Despair! (in a whisper.) Despair.
I am not even achieving the ridiculous.
Summary: The Beast, speaking to his one remaining magical servant, celebrates a recent breakthrough.
There has been— a development.
She touched me.
Here, right here. She said that she did not even see it, and then she touched me on my arm. It seems to me that the flesh glows, that it has been rarified and is somehow clean.
Yes, here! Don’t you understand what this means? She touched me, of her own free will. I am full— full of courage. I look forward and life seems a path I can walk. Doesn’t this make you happy?
There is hope.